How to know someone is codependent

How to know someone is codependent

Codependency isn’t considered a mental health condition, and experts have yet to outline specific diagnostic criteria for it. There is, however, some general agreement on what codependency usually involves.

Common signs of codependency typically include:

• a deep-seated need for approval from others
• self-worth that depends on what others think about you
• a habit of taking on more work than you can realistically handle, both to earn praise or lighten a loved one’s burden
• a tendency to apologize or take on blame in order to keep the peace
• a pattern of avoiding conflict
• a tendency to minimize or ignore your own desires
• excessive concern about a loved one’s habits or behaviors
• a habit of making decisions for others or trying to “manage” loved ones
• a mood that reflects how others feel, rather than your own emotions
• guilt or anxiety when doing something for yourself
• doing things you don’t really want to do, simply to make others happy
• idealizing partners or other loved ones, often to the point of maintaining relationships that leave you unfulfilled
• overwhelming fears of rejection or abandonment

With codependency, the need to support others goes beyond what’s generally considered healthy.

If you behave in codependent ways, you don’t just offer support temporarily, such as when a loved one faces a setback. Instead, you tend to focus on caretaking and caring for others to the point that you begin to define yourself in relation to their needs.